DON'T PANIC

Happy Birthday to an amazing man!


               I love you, James

 

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.

It maketh me to wake in green pastures: it leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.

It restoreth my buzz: it leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction, I will fear no Equal (tm): for thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.

Thou preparest a carafe before me in the prescence of Juan Valdez: thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.

Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the House of Maxwell House of Community Coffee forever.

I love what I do.
I love what I feel.
I love what I live.
I love who I am.

I also know how loved I am in turn.

I've loved James for almost my whole adult life (We were barely out of our teens when we met) . He's grown with me rather than apart. We share our capacity for love with others, but it never diminishes the glue that binds us. We are an enhanced couple, thusly, not a withering one seeking replacements.

Chastity, also, is a love of my life. For almost 8 years we've been involved in a loving relationship. The changes we've lived, rather than ripping us apart, drew us closer and, as with James, we are enhanced as individuals and as a couple.

I respect, love and need my chosen life partners. They respect and love (Yeah, ok, James and Chastity do not feel romantic love for one another, but love as in caring) not only me, but one another as well.

I couldn't ask for more. I wouldn't settle for less.

Sunday, February 10, will mark another anniversary for James and I - 24 years of marriage!

24 years ago this wonderful man asked me to marry him. Then his son (3 at the time) asked if he could get married as well. So we did. We had a nice, cozy ceremony with just a few family and friends present. Mark became my son that day as well. James and I soon had our daughter, Jennifer. Then we were 4.

I love and cherish my family. I'm ever thankful To have them in my life.

Anyway, back to my focus, James.

All who know him, know he's a good man. Remarkable in his untiring gift of self. Remarkable, period.
But I like to make sure on occasion he knows how I (still) feel about him.

 I was actually having relations with James' roommate when we met. I didn't call it dating, because dating often includes bonding and conversation- we didn't- we screwed. It's honest. I was young and newly widowed. I was hormones and emotions on legs. But it was James whom I'd talk to in the morning's or just when sitting around. We laughed together a lot. We found out we'd attended school together all our lives and knew a lot of the same people. But...He wasn't a bad boy and he had a small child. I didn't know what to think about that.

So I'd talk to my mother about how great James was after boinking his roommate the night before and she finally said "Aren't you seeing the wrong guy, Robin? Why do you 'date' this one when you clearly have interest in and commonalities with the other?" I made up a million excuses, not the least of which was they were roommates for Pete's sake! And he also had a child whom he had custody of. I was 20, children scared me.

Mom finally talked some sense into me. James made the moves. The chance to make something happen was smacking me in the face. So I told James I could not date roommates, that was just too complicated an idea.

James threw roomie out. Almost immediately.  He said the guy wasn't paying rent like he was supposed to anyway. And there was certainly no love loss between me and this fellow. The last time we'd been anywhere he'd gotten drunk, was belligerent, and was in general an ass, so I literally yanked him out of my car and left him on the side of the road in the middle of the night. Oh, he so deserved it.  And more.

James and I began dating, immediately. The rest is now 25+ years of history, 24 of them being married.

And I wouldn't change a thing.

Happy Anniversary, James!

 Discerning is when you're wise enough to take the pebbles out of your
 rice. Judging is when you go off on a crusade about the evils of
 pebbles. Pebbles are pebbles, they should be pebbles. Don't eat them. 
 End of story.
 ---Stuart David---

I need the reminder on occasion. 

I believe others can benefit the reminder as well on occasion. 

Of course, chastity is never safe  (I like that about her). You have been warned! *lol*

Making a note here to teach chastitygurl how to do an lj cut soon before someone gets caught at work and then tries to bean her with a tomato- just protecting my own ;)

Wed Jan 23, 1:24 PM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - A British bus company has apologized to a girl who is led around on a leash by her boyfriend and describes herself as a human pet after one of its drivers threw her off a bus.

Tasha Maltby, 19, told British newspapers she was the "pet" of her 25-year-old fiance Dani Graves.

Pictures showed her dressed in black Gothic-style clothing with silver buckles on a silver chain -- which the driver of a bus from the firm Arriva took exception to.

She told the Daily Mail newspaper Wednesday she was thrown off and told: "We don't let freaks and dogs like you on."

Arriva would not comment on specifics but said it apologized if the couple felt they had been discriminated against. It added, however, that the driver was worried about safety and the company told Maltby to take the leash off in the future.

"We have spoken to the driver who has talked about health and safety," a spokesman said. "Should she be attached to a chain and something happens on the bus, that could be dangerous. All we are saying is that she is very welcome to use the buses but not when she is on her lead."

Maltby -- who lives on state benefits and got engaged in November -- said her choice of lifestyle might seem unusual but was harmless.

"I am a pet," she told the Daily Mail. "I generally act animal-like and I lead a really easy life. I don't cook or clean and I don't go anywhere without Dani. It might seem strange but it makes us both happy. It's my culture and my choice. It isn't hurting anyone."

Sometimes there's no obvious reason for the feelings that overwhelm me. I've had harder, longer scenes. It's not always the length or the perceived intensity, though. It is what is given and taken, even if the exchange lasted 5 minutes.

So I am involved in a scene that also involves 2 other Tops. 3 of us, going at a person, in other words. I knew it wouldn't be a long scene with 3 people constantly hammering on another. I knew I'd have to stifle a lot of that demon ...

And so it started happening. She was dropping out. Fast.

And I always say to people  "Don't feel a failure. When you're done, you're done. "

I say that. And I mean that. I hold no disappointment when a body simply can't do it any longer.

But there is also the part of me that pushes for that little bit more. Just that more that will fuel me knowing you gave when you really felt you couldn't any longer. When your body decides long after your head has shut down. And more honestly put, I took when there was no voice left to stop me telling me no. Only a lifeless body hanging...

"I am not done yet!" was all I could think, smell, hear or see.

I only trust a very select few to go to those depths with. I trust only a few capable of handing it over even when it is that difficult (For whatever reasons). She is one of them.

I took just a bit more because the beast needed it to be sated. And it was...She provided that.

And she wonders what I get out of scening with her...

Remembering there are exceptions to every rule. And with the understanding I am not saying this is a universal truth, here goes : (When did I become Mrs. Political correctness, huh?)

I watched a room full of sub/bottom/switch women swoon over the very idea of hair pulling. One even play fainted at the notion.  So I started thinking how many women do, indeed, not only enjoy, but absolutely jut into hyper-space over hair pulling.

By contrast most sub/bottom/switch men seem to care less (As in, it's not really a button pusher/instant head-space inducer). I don't think I've ever heard a man "swoon" over being drug around by their hair. (Maybe it is because it is typically too short? Or they are afraid they might go bald, if done too often? ;) [Robin is now joking] ). Again, I know, logically, some certainly would swoon over the mention, but I've not met/spoken with them yet so the numbers seem small by contrast.

Just noting irrelevant, but interesting (to me) thoughts swirling around in my head.

And instead of talking to chastity about this more personally I've decided to unfold said theory here for her to contemplate and then answer in public.

Chastity is nearing her 4th month of sustained, enforced chastity. It is the longest time, to date, she's gone without release via an orgasm.

We've all noticed the more frequent, focused postings on the subject by her.

I believe two simultaneous things are happening for her:

1)She's revisiting her long dormant craftsmanship and love for chastity devices by reconstructing one. The device she is working on is not only a chastity device, but it is for someone she knows. Someone sharing in her very own poly family, which makes it more exciting and 'special'. Yes, it's more akin to a labor of love, if labor can be applied here at all. Not to mention her fantasies of how this may all play out when we all meet up and those occasions all schedules coincide.

2)She's absolutely walking that edge of uncharted, yet equally thrilling territory of having gone the longest she has ever and not knowing when or even if she ever will be allowed release by orgasm again.

Right now she is focused. Creative. Buzzed, even.

Her fantasies so long held and unrealized in the past are in the here and now.

So my theory is this: She feels more alive and true to her core being than ever and wants to share with others this wondrous, otherwise unobtainable life in chastity that has come to what was before only imagined by her. She often does so by sharing her passions. She is secure and encouraged as my chastity slave as is evidenced by her growing openness.

Or: She's just horny.


That's my theory, anyway.

And having to testify for this murder trial coming up isn't helping me find my happy place.

On a brighter note, I've made the D.A. nervous because I won't remove my nose piercing for trial. I told him it didn't affect my eyesight the night of the shootings so it stays.

**Update** I think the D.A. has some powerful mojo! The stone on my nose jewelry fell out! Omen? Naww..I'll go get another this evening. My mojo says a few bucks can trump his.

**UPDATE**: I must have stepped on some toes. I'm getting feed back from places I never knew existed.  If the shoe fits...and if not, no worries, right?



Words can hurt- Even if  not intentional.

So here are some words I hear often around the ol' BDSM campfire "Switch men are weak and confused. " "Submissive men are weak and whine too much" "I would never bottom to a switch male I want a real man" , etc., etc., etc.


Ok, I can understand the expressed sentiments. I can even appreciate your honesty and willingness to make it clear up-front what it is you need, want, desire, etc. But I can not understand the belittling tone or attitude accompanying the  denials.

How hard would it be to simply say "No thank you" to an offer? Is the need to emasculate so great in you you feel you must be the one who states how horrid it is to be male and have any sort of switch or submissive needs met? And I'm not even suggesting you can not feel the way you honestly do, but to be so compelled to express it as though they must now apologize  to you for being who they are? Oh please!

What cranks your neurotic gears that you feel you must strike at what it is you think makes a man a man...

Oh, and, define that for me please? Since you know better than the men themselves, apparently.


So you must remain true to yourself. I understand that as well. Like I said, can it be too hard to give a simple "No thank you" rather than go into why they are not manly enough for your most awesome womanhood. And unless they are stalking you and asking incessantly, there's no need to shove your inadequacies down their throats in the form of it being about them...No, it isn't them- It's you-You have the issues. They're fine with who they are. And rightfully so...

Imagine that!


No, this isn't pointed to anyone imparticularly.  It's a rant that's been building for a long time, stemming from things heard over a long period of time.


Male bashing is so last decade dears. Buy a clue, will ya!

I fell in with the crowd.

I gave in to temptation.

ON a brighter note, I have all my boxes open and just waiting there to be completed.

I'm close.

Then what?

Orgasm? Cookies? A purple jelly bean perhaps?

Happy Birthday angelus_dolorum !

A dear old friend visited me again this year from Canada. That he makes this trip to see me every year is, in itself, a grand gift. That he also brings me little gifts is, of course, grander. This year he brought the first season of Puppets Who Kill and (Get this!) Little Mosque On The Prairie! Both Canada-centric programs so all the better for viewing. Last year he brought  season one of "Trailer Park Boys" and "Corner Gas" (Corner Gas can be seen on one of our cable channels now, but I don't recall which off-hand).

He also brought a bottle of Ice Wine from Canada! I've never had it so I can't wait to crack it open over dessert one day soon.

Most of all he brought himself. He spent 9 days here and it was a wonderful time spent.

He's a great guy.

A really great guy whom I miss terribly every parting.

Next year!

To those who's only real concern is their own agenda.

To those who've become the most heinous breed of one-true-wayer.

To those who think adults can not figure out on their own what brand of kink works for them without your superior input in the matter.



Bah...

Discussion night went well. There were at least 16 in attendance and I was surprised by that here in December,  but shouldn't have been, I know. It's been quite a long time and many were welcoming it, obviously.

Tonight's facilitator  did a fine job of making sure topics and facilitators for the future were open to all. Some one took notes and even indicated possible future topics in the notes.

Of course a lot of poly talk came up again, so I need to shoot an email to someone to see if she's interested in trying to get that ball rolling. But rather than attaching the discussion night label to that subject, I wonder if it would be better to make it another breed of thing all together.  But who knows. And who cares the semantics, really? It'll be a discussion, no matter what it is called.

The only thing we all really figured out in the end was that we were hungry.